Bar & Bat Mitzvah Etiquette

A Bar Mitzvah is the coming of age ceremony for Jewish boys, and a Bat Mitzvah is the coming of age ceremony for Jewish girls. The words 'Bar' and 'Bat' Mitzvah literally mean 'son' or 'daughter of the commandment.' A Bar Mitzvah happens for boys at age 13. A Bat Mitzvah happens for girls at age 12.

We recommend ordering your invitations anywhere from four to seven months before your event. Only one invitation is needed per household as long as either the whole household is invited, or if guests names are added to the invitation. You should always order a few extra, just in case; it’s easier and less expensive than ordering more invitations down the road.

Bar and Bat Mitzvah etiquette can be tricky, but there are a number of ways you can save yourself time and energy while planning this big celebration for your child. In this short guide, we dive headfirst into Bar and Bat Mitzvah etiquette, so you can get to planning and inviting without any hassles or hiccups. 

TIME FRAME

As with invitations to most major events, Bar Mitzvah invitations should go to guests at least one month in advance. The Emily Post Institute suggests that Bar Mitzvah invitations should be sent out four to six weeks before the event. However, for those who have out of town and international guests you should strive for ten to twelve weeks in advance. This additional time affords your invited guests time to plan their travel schedule. At Barmy Invitations we can provide an emailable version of the invitation free of charge for such guests.

Request a response for the party at least three weeks before the event. No RSVP is needed for the ceremony.

INVITATION DESIGN AND WORDING

Bar and Bat Mitzvah invitations are designed to accomplish two things. The wording of your invitation provides all the essential details and information your guests need, but the design of your invitation gives your guests a first glimpse of what they should expect from your event. The design you choose should reflect the overall style and theme of this momentous occasion, so you might consider certain accent colours or seasonal influences to make a big impression. If you are hosting a themed event, you might also choose stationery that complements your overall vision for the party.

At Barmy Invitations, we have a huge range of invitation styles, but if you don't see anything that fits your event exactly we can design something new at no extra cost. And with all our designs, we can amend or change colours, images etc.

HOW MANY BAR/BAT MITZVAH INVITES SHOULD WE ORDER?

You only need to send one invitation per household, as long as either the whole household is invited, or guests names are added to the invite. Once you have your final number of invitations needed, make sure to order more invitations than you need. This is just in case you remember someone you forgot to include on your list or decide to add guests later. It is more costly (not to mention time consuming) to place a second order for just 25 invitations plus extra postage, so it is recommended to order extra invitations to begin with. The same suggestion holds true for envelopes. It is always a good idea to order extra to accommodate mistakes that occur while addressing them!

MULTIPLE EVENTS AND LOCATIONS

If you are hosting multiple Bar or Bat Mitzvahs at separate locations or on different dates, you will need to include the date, location, and time of each event on the invitations. If your additional event takes place directly after the Torah reading, it is sufficient to add a single line on the invitation itself ie. Kiddush luncheon to follow. If there are various locations, it is essential to inform your guests of where to go and at what time, but some families choose to defer this information to reception cards or supplemental stationery.

HOW TO HANDLE COMPLICATED GUEST LISTS

Bar and Bat Mitzvahs are traditionally held on Shabbat, but contemporary hosts celebrate in unique ways these days. If your celebratory occasion involves multiple locations or events, there’s a chance that some guests will be invited to the synagogue ceremony but not the meal that follows. Use your invitation to invite all your guests to the service, but you can use reception cards or a second invitation to invite select guests to the after party. We can work with you to tailor the stationery to your event.

HOW TO RSVP

While sending your Bar or Bat Mitzvah invitations, you must remember to set the RSVP date, so your guests know by when you are expecting a reply. We recommend that you set the RSVP date at least three to four weeks before your event.

BAR OR BAT MITZVAH GIFTS AND DONATIONS

Some might consider it a faux pas to reference a particular gift or preference on the invitation, but there are no rules against registering at a specific store or gift registry. Some of the most popular bar and bat mitzvah gifts include gift certificates, religious books, and savings bonds for college. Parents often choose to include a request a donation to a particular charity, mission, or nonprofit organization in lieu of gifts.

DIVORCED PARENTS

When the parents are separated or divorced, the parent hosting the Bar or Bat Mitzvah should be the one to send out the invitations, but the names of both parents and current spouses, if applicable, should be on the invitation. RSVPs should sent to the party host.

If you have any questions about bar mitzvah etiquette or bat mitzvah etiquette, please contact us today for additional information. We're here to assist you in any way possible, so please let us know how we can help turn your vision into a reality. Barmy invitations is home to one of the best Bar and Bat Mitzvah invitation collections available. Shop from our selection today!